When "Mom of the Year" Isn't Enough

"And he said to them, “It is enough.”
Luke 22:38b

Spring break has come and gone for my four children and I.


There was the trip to the beach; and the day that we had to stay home because I woke up in pain and sat in a chair all day while they watched copious amounts of t.v., fought over computer games and indulged in Easter candy from breakfast on.


There was a day spent hanging out with best friends; and there was the cat fight between my girls that I joined in on instead of correcting them in a calm and mature manner.


There was the date I had with my boys at Chuck E Cheese; and then there was our outing to the mall in which I spent the entire time complaining about the hoards of people, heavy rains and distance in which we had to walk to find food. Good times...

As I look back on the week it's tempting for me to think of it in terms of successes and failures instead of what it was...a week off of school.


And while our week was what it was, one question has been swirling around in my head. Am I really enough? Was this week really good enough? Am I really what my children need?


I long to be praised for being a good mom, don't you? When I've done well I am ready to step up and accept that "Mom of the Year" award that I have been striving for the past 12 years, yet somehow in all of my efforts I have yet to win it. This causes me to think that there must be other moms out there who are receiving it instead of me.

Let me tell you a secret, there is no award! Gasp! Really? I'm sure this is not a shock yet I'm sure you would say that deep in the recesses of your heart you are a bit disappointed. What are we all working so hard for anyway?

Here's the thing, we long to be told that we are good moms. We long to approve of ourselves and to have others approve of us. But the fact is that we can't be good enough. Only Christ was and still is. It is only by His perfect obedience that we are called good because we were given His righteousness in exchange for our vileness.

It is only in Christ that we can approach a Holy God, one who would otherwise turn away from us because we yelled at our kids before we even got out of bed this morning.

Because of Christ we can boldly approach the throne of Grace instead of running and hiding in shame when we join in the cat fight with our girls.

Without Christ we have nothing to praise and adore but ourselves. Leading only to one of two things, pride or despair.

We are not enough for our children. Our best efforts are not enough and never will be. We actually aren't what our children need. They need so much more.

Christ is the only one who has kept the law completely and His efforts were enough and remain enough. He is the only one that can fully satisfy our children's needs.

So when we are feeling like a bad mom and that we aren't good enough it's not time for a little self-esteem pep-talk so that we can approve of our efforts or condole ourselves for the lack there of. It's time to speak the truth.

You CAN agree that you are indeed a bad mom. Go ahead, try it. Admit that yes, you do fall short of every expectation laid upon you. But don't leave it there or you will only end up trying harder and failing again. Give yourself the gospel, give your mom friends the gospel, give your children the gospel. We needed Christ to be good enough for us.

Telling ourselves or others that we are enough only turns us back on ourselves. It brings rest for the moment but not the true rest that knowing that our risen Savior has given us His record of being enough through the work on the cross.

It's not a "Mom of the Year" that my children need. They need a Savior that rules for all eternity. He is the only one that can meet my every need and the only one that can meet theirs.

And with that we can find true rest and joy.

It's Not You, Paul, It's Me!

Crying children. Overtired, whining, finicky about night lights children. Why did it make me so angry? What did I expect? Are they not sinners like me? Am I really more mature than them when I stomp up to the foot of their beds ready to intimidate them to sleep? 

I complain about them being irrational when in my own more sophisticated way I throw myself at Jesus' feet kicking and pounding at the ground. Rational? I think not. Human, yes. And there I receive grace for my humanity. The freedom to express myself without judgement. This. This is what I want to give. Yet I fail. I threaten and I manipulate. Anything to stop them from going further down the path of temporary insanity. Crying, screaming. One wants the door closed one wants it open. Never a compromise until I have yelled. 

When I believe the drama to be over, I settle on the couch with a big guilt riddled sigh and begin to read.  

Great. Another blog post about how being a good mom is important. 

It is important.

I would never deny that.

But what is good?

I'm not good. 

This wasn't a good time to remind me.

If I were good I wouldn't have yelled. I would have patiently talked it through with my girls. Perhaps I would have taken the opportunity to show them Jesus. Maybe even pray. But I didn't want to. I wanted to yell. It gets the immediate results. 

So what did I conclude? This mom who longs to drop keys to the beautiful rowdy prisoners? I concluded that I was a jerk. I convinced myself that every other mom would have done it differently. Better. That the author of the blog post was against me. That perhaps I'm just not as sanctified. Someone who's words will never minister to those who are "serious" about the calling of motherhood. Perhaps my words are merely just tolerated as immaturity.

And so I write. 

I pout and I write and I pound on the keys. 

Everyone is so much more patient, gentler, kinder, more loving and to be a typical woman I'll throw in thinner. 

But no! No, no, no, no, no!

This is NOT Jesus speaking to me. This is Romans 7. This is the flesh, the stuff I don't want to do but seem to keep on doing. That which I carry with me. That which I can't seem to avoid. No amount of trying harder has ever made me a better mom. 

This is Romans 7 which is followed by Romans 8. This is where the unfortunate chapter break threatens to make me forget the rest of the story.

Chief of sinners! Not you, Paul. Me! 

"BUT there is therefore now no condemnation for those (that's me) who are in Christ Jesus." No condemnation. NONE. Not now, not then, not ever. Not just when I'm being good. NOW. In this moment of ugliness when I fear sharing my sin with others. NOW. When I've done it all wrong. 

And yes, the calling of motherhood is important but even when I screw it up they are his. 

I will fail to love.

I will fail to nurture.

I will fail to give grace.

But He gives it all. He never once threatens me. Never intimidates. 

Always loves.

Always nurtures.

Always gives grace.

And this makes my heart drip for my girls. I want to wake them and hug them and tell them how sorry I am. His kindness always leads me to repentance. Remembrance of what love has done always calls me to walk closer. 

Resting in the gospel knowing full well that I have lost nothing of my belovedness. This, I must remember. Resting in the arms of the one who scooped me off the ground mid tantrum and loved me. Resting in the knowledge that God doesn't want me to wake up and try harder tomorrow. He simply wants me to believe that I am his beloved. 

A List with a Purpose

I went to the allergist and came home with this:

It's a list of what foods I can eat and what foods I cannot. I look at it with much disdain. When I look at this paper all I want to do is go out and have a big bowl of fruit salad. (Something I have never thought of as a rebellious act but now that I'm told I can't eat it it's all I want). Seriously? With my mind set on all of the things that are on my "bad" list I've gone through some days of despair. What if this is my diet forever? I can't live like this. It's not fair!

Yet on the flip side I love it. I have looked at this hideous list and grabbed hold of all that is has to promise. Don't eat the "bad", only eat the "good" and you will be feeling great! It promises me an answer to so many of my health complaints. It promises me happiness if only I can just fulfill it's law. So I try. I try really hard and become rather proud of my efforts. But wait, there's only so much I can do before I give into the temptation to satisfy a craving or to just satisfy the hunger pangs.

You see, the law is like my lovely list. It tells us what is "good" and tells us what is "bad." It makes promises that if we only follow it to the "T" than we will be happy, God will be happy and those around us will put us on their shoulders.

But just as I do with my food list we all do with the law. Sometimes we appear to succeed (although we never fully do) at doing the good and avoiding the bad. We become quite proud of ourselves and live on a momentary cloud of self-righteous happiness. And then the cloud disintegrates into thin air and we drop to the ground. We then pick ourselves up, dust ourselves off and begin again. Trying harder to do better. If we succeed this time we are lifted to a loftier cloud of self-righteous bliss only to fall again and again. All of which eventually leads us to despair because it was never meant to be fulfilled by us.

So what am I to do? Do I throw out this nasty list because it is nothing but a vehicle for pride and despair? Or do I embrace it in hopes that I will eventually get it right and flourish once more in this broken body?

This is what I do. I take that list, I look at it and see how I have failed and I run to Christ. I ask him to help me to do what's best for my body. I ask him to help me to avoid the "bad" and embrace the "good." I repent of thinking that I could do it on my own.

Now I know that this analogy eventually breaks down somewhere but I think it does a good job of showing us the use of the law. The law with it's lists of "good" and "bad" are meant to do one thing. Crush my soul and drive me to Christ. It is used as a vehicle for mercy, a way to awaken me to God's grace. It was Christ's fulfillment of the law on my behalf that has given me the true promise. The only promise that can ever be fulfilled. The promise that I can truly put my hope in. The promise of complete righteousness and eternal life.

So what do we do with the list? Do we toss it aside as if it has no value? No, of course not. We hold it with a high view knowing that we will never come close to keeping it perfectly. It stands as a monument of the great mercy that God has showered down upon us by sending his Son to keep the list perfectly, and we rejoice that whether we keep the list or not we will receive all of its promises. Outragious grace!

Now where are those rice cakes?

The Imposter, Myself and I

"Can you tell me why I would agree to do a radio show tomorrow when I can't even open my mouth without coughing?"

This was my text to a friend minutes after agreeing to do an interview. Having just recovered from the "death flu" I sounded more like a frustrated bull frog than an author with something to share. I was afraid that my weakness would ooze out over the airwaves of live radio exposing my humanity.

You see, I have an impostor. She is the part of me that has spent years building an identity worthy of your approval. And she lives inside of me.

The impostor in me longs to speak eloquently and to have all the right answers. She longs to come across as intelligent and put together, not sick and weak. My impostor is the one who desires the accolades. She does everything she can to hide her weaknesses and showcase her strengths. Her biggest fear is that the real me might be exposed and she will do anything to make herself appear capable and strong. She longs for more than anything to be well thought of. 

What am I to do with such an impostor? The inner-self that tells me that my worth is in what others think? The one that drives me to perform in a way that hides all of my scars?
 

In his book Abba's Child, Brennan Manning speaks of a man named Bob who says that,

 

"The heart of it is this: to make The Lord and his immense love for you constitutive of your personal worth. Define yourself radically as one beloved by God. God's love for you and his choice of you constitute your worth. Accept that and let it become the most important thing in your life."

 

Whether your day finds you taming endless tantrums, facing a difficult coworker, or baking cupcakes for the school bake sale will you remember this truth with me? 

 

"Our identity rests in God's relentless tenderness for us revealed in Jesus Christ."

 

This is what quiets the impostor and diminishes her power. Because Christ has secured our identity as his beloved we no longer have to yield to the imposter's demands to hide our humanity. We are free to be wrecked. We are free to be weak. We are free to fail. We no longer have to live a life in constant fear of being exposed.  We can now live in the freedom of knowing that we give glory to God simply by being our ragged, scarred, sorry old selves.

Dispelling the Voice of Condemnation

One mom writes: "I have seven children and another on the way. I love them all and am happy about number eight, but I struggle with exhaustion and lack of motivation to accomplish much but surviving, feeding and clothing everyone and basic cleaning. The kids do help, and four of them are in school now which keeps the house a bit cleaner than when I was homeschooling all of them, but I still often feel like a failure because even though I work at cleaning the kitchen and other places, they are never sparkling.
As soon as I clean a bunch of pots and pans, I realize there are more and the floor needs sweeping, but I'm worn out and the little ones will get crumbs or play-dough all over it soon anyway. I love my life, my husband and my kids, but I always have a voice telling me I'm a rotten mother because the kitchen is never clean enough, there is always a scattering of toys and I'm not on a strict schedule like a good mother would be, just always trying to keep loving my family and doing what needs to be done when I have the energy to do it and my two year old isn't getting into things.
Thank you for helping to dispel the voice. I always know God loves me, but I never feel like I am as good as creative organized mothers brimming with ideas and clean houses."


I am so thankful for this reader's willingness to share her heart because I think that many of you who have found this blog may be feeling the same way. I know that I often do.

On January 1st I woke up and was unable to get out of bed because of severe pain in my back and legs. This happens from time to time because of some injured discs that I have. But little did I know that I would have three spells of this over a two week period. And little did I know that I would spend the next two months only out of bed for the necessities. And while I am doing better now I write this post back in bed, but this time it's with the flu. Needless to say, I have have spent much time over the past several months in the school of weakness coming to the liberating truth that if I wake up and build my hope on anything other than Jesus' blood and righteousness then I am up a creek.

I often fall into the presumption that my performance as a mother is where my worth is to be found. It's hard not to do that when your life seemingly revolves around the needs of your family. The dishes finally get done and then there are more. The dried play-dough finally gets pried up from the floor only to find it's way back. Life with kids in the home can be a monotonous cacophony of cleaning up, disciplining and cleaning up again. No place to put up our weary feet and no peace for our weary souls.

That small voice in the back of our head that tells us that "we are a rotten mother because the kitchen is never clean enough" seems to drown out any hope that the gospel may instill in us. That's why as mothers we must not just talk to ourselves, we must YELL the truth to ourselves and others in order to drown out the clanging symbols of the bossy law.

My friends, it is imperative that we grasp the fact that our worth is not in what kind of a mother, housekeeper, wife, employee, daughter, sister, friend etc...we are. Our worth is in our identity as "his beloved with whom he is well pleased." What does this mean? It means that every second of every day we tell ourselves that there is nothing that can separate us from his love. It means that we live under a neon sign that shouts "NOT CONDEMNED!" There are no ifs, ands, or buts about it.

There is nothing that we can do as a mother that will make God love us anymore and there is nothing that we can do to make him love us any less. We are free! And with that freedom we run to Christ where we find safety and comfort because we know that he would never snub his nose at our sink full of dirty dishes or make comments about our childrens' behavior. We are fully loved, full accepted and fully free!

Dear Discouraged Moms...Part 2

Dear Discouraged Moms,

I want to tell you just how very much I understand the pressure that you feel right now. It seems as though everyone around you is making the perfect memories for their families while you are simply struggling just to keep it together. Some of you are juggling the cooking and shopping with a baby in one hand, a toddler pulling on your pant leg and older children arguing about what we should be thankful for. Or perhaps you are faced with greater challenges like a home lost to a hurricane, a dying loved one or a health crisis of your own. Please know that you are not alone.

I know the pressure that is put on you from other mothers. Ones that seem to have it all together and expect you to as well. Though they may not always speak it out loud you assume it because you have yet to see them be honest. You are told that you must be in shape, eat healthy, have a clean home, well behaved children, dress a certain way, school a certain way, and cheerfully do it all in the name of The Lord while you Instagram, tweet, Facebook and blog every minute of it.

My friends, though the pressure may threaten to consume you I want you to hear me say one thing, "Our hope is not in what we can or cannot do." Our hope is in the One who has done it all for you. The One who announced that "It is finished" so that you can rest.

There will be a day that we will be out of shape, can't digest raw vegetables, and only have an appetite for crackers that are anything but gluten free. Our mind will not always be sharp and we will lose our careers. The children that we pride ourselves in will move on and may not even turn out how we had hoped. No matter how much we can do today it will never last and if these are the things that give us worth we have no hope.

Someday we will be thankful for the ability to sit on the couch because it is a big step from laying in bed. For some of us, although young, this is the reality of our days. We can feel that we are worthless because the world is spinning around us in busyness and people are telling us to join in when we can barely get the kids fed.

The inability to keep up with others is not always a laziness or intelligence issue. God has created each one of us with different gifts and different thorns; all to be used for his glory.

We must remember that our worth is not found in what we are physically or intellectually capable of but rather in who Christ is and all that he accomplished on our behalf. When we try to justify ourselves apart from the cross we either grow self-righteous or lose hope.

Our identity is that of a "beloved daughter with whom he is well pleased" not in what we've made of ourselves.

Be encouraged that you are right where God wants you to be and through his Son, thinks you are the best!

"A bruised reed he will not break, and a faintly burning wick he will not quench; he will faithfully bring forth justice." Isaiah 42:3

Love,
A Mom Just Like You

 

Christ in the Chaos is Here!

For far too long mothers have been beaten down by the law of “do better” and “try harder.” The burden of “getting it right” threatens to crush weary souls who desire to serve their families faithfully. Christ in the Chaos brings comfort to conflicted hearts that are starved of grace and longing for the freedom in Christ the Bible promises.

In this book, Kimm Crandall emphasizes the importance of the gospel and how Christ’s life, death, and resurrection change every aspect of motherhood. From finding our identity in Christ and understanding God’s grace to taking off the mask of acceptability and dealing with the comparison crud, this book will free you to serve your family knowing that his love for you does not change based on your performance.

Christ in the Chaos is a “must read” for every mother who longs for what is seemingly impossible: peace and freedom in the midst of her chaos.

Christ in the Chaos is now available! You can read the foreword (by Elyse Fitzpatrick), the Introduction and Chapter here: Christ in the Chaos - Cruciform Press and if you like what you read you can order a hard copy or download from here: http://cruciformpress.com/our-books/christ-in-the-chaos/

How to Keep a New Year's Resolution

As I get to the end of this year and read the world's lists of resolutions I can't help but feel like a bit of a loser. I just don't seem to care.

I have no interest in trying harder in 2013. I have no desire to write out a list of what I want to do better this year.

Sure I think it would be great if this was the year that I got in shape or made it past Numbers in my Bible reading plan. But I highly doubt that writing these things down on a list again will get me any further than it has in the previous years.

So what do you think? Am I a loser because I lack motivation to better myself? Is my negativity bringing you down?

I use the words loser and negative because that's what the world would call me but in reality I have much more hope for myself than that. Some may be thinking that with an attitude like mine I will never change or better myself. I'll never grow past where I am in life.

But honestly in all of my list making experience I've never seen much change by trying harder to do better. Oh sure it lasts for a while like everyone else. I hit the gym the first few weeks in January only to end up back on the couch. I say no to the sugar and caffeine only to end up in the Starbucks drive-thru with a vente frappawhatever after I've been up all night with a sick kid. I sleep through the 5:00am alarm to get up and pray because my insomnia gets the best of me. Whether its feeling as if I've failed or feeling proud and self-righteous because I've succeeded, my heart remains unchanged.

But like I said, I have hope. I know that I will change this year. I know that I am growing and being sanctified daily because that is what He has promised me. Even in the years that I had completely given up on life He was kind to change me. 

I can rest knowing that I don't have to earn my way into God's favor in 2013 because I cannot gain or lose ground with God. Failures, successes, whatever comes my way I will remain in His love and His face will never turn away from me. I am His beloved daughter.

There is a list that's already been written. It has spelled out every good and perfect thing that I must do to be acceptable. It's like the New Year's Resolution List Extraordinaire. I look at it and I'm crushed. Love your neighbor, do not be jealous, love God with all your heart, it goes on and on. I can't even begin to do these things well. I failed before I even started.

There is One and only One who has kept the list of perfection. Jesus never had to make a single New Year's resolution. He never had to try harder to be a better person; to sin less and love more. But at the cross He chose to take my identity as one who can never get it right no matter how many years I put it on a list and in exchange He gave me His identity of the perfect list keeper.

I don't have to make a do better list. I don't have to look inward and find the courage to love myself more. I don't have to put post-it notes around the house reminding myself of the promises I have made to be a better person. I have Christ who has set me free from the need of constant self-improvement. It is Christ who will work in me to complete a good work this year.

And if I don't get any better this year He will love me the same as He did yesterday, today and forever.

My list has been completed. He Has torn it up, thrown it in the fire and dared me to be free.


Now where's that protein shake?!


photo curtousey of Flood

Christ in a Motorhome

(A recycled post from this time last year)


As our family travels up the great state of California motorhome style, involuntarily taking in the smell of cows, onions and whatever else it is that they farm in the central valley, we have grown. Grown grumpy, impatient and selfish that is. Cramming the six of us and a dog together for hours on end sure brings out the yuck.

As I write I have a six year old singing in my ear. Literally in my ear! And when she's not singing she's whining about how she doesn't like the movie and when she isn't whining she is making grunting noises or talking to herself. That's how she rolls. She wants to be heard. Always.

From the back comes the complaining of my four year old because he wants to unbuckle to get a toy just like his sister just did.

The dog is eating the dropped snacks off the floor and someone keeps yelling, "I can't see!" Oh and I can't forget my oldest child who is freaked out about the whole traveling in a motorhome thing. Anxious about every noise and bump and intolerant of us all.

But we're making memories y'all (no I'm not from the south, I've just always wanted to say that).

I look over at Justin who's been so quiet knowing that he is struggling with patience and holding his tongue, unlike me. I say something along the lines of, "NEVER AGAIN." He smiles knowing that I don't really mean It.

It's always on these trips that my attitude falls into a sink hole and I decide that our family needs to make some major changes. It's when I decide that we must be the biggest sack of complaining losers this side of the Mississippi. It's when I try to play the role of the Holy Spirit.

So as I feel the need to correct every comment, every intolerant sigh, every complaint over someone touching someone else I become exhausted. I forget to rest. I forget that I am not in control.


I forget about the outrageous grace that is given to this family of six.


It's in these moments when our hearts are being pushed, punched and twisted by the temptation to look only to ourselves that I am reminded of His grace. He never tells me that this is the last trip He'll take me on. He doesn't look at me in exhaustion saying, "Never Again". He doesn't throw his hands up and declare that He can't take it anymore.

No, He simply washes my feet over and over again.

And when I think of my beautiful Savior, a King worthy of all praise on His knees washing the filth from this impatient, irritated mom I can't help but want to do the same for the little girl who's feet keep migrating to the back of my head.


My desire to say "No" to my flesh and "Yes" to the Spirit increases, not by trying to be a better mom but by remembering His perfect love for this imperfect family.

Helping our Kids in Tragedy

I had just dropped off my four sweet children to their little elementary school when I heard the horrific news of the Newtown, CT shooting spree.

My first reaction was to ignore it. I was annoyed at people on my twitter feed for wanting to share the ugly news with me when I didn't solicate it. It's why I don't watch the news. But really it's just me hiding from the ugliness of the world.

Realizing the stupidity of my misdirected anger I began to read more. My denial soon succumbed to fear. Fear of the unknown for my children. Trying to assure myself that they are completely safe by saying, "That would never happen at a school like ours." Is that not one of the first things that we hear people say in tragedy? One parent was quoted as saying, "It's alarming, especially in Newtown, Connecticut, which we always thought was the safest place in America,"

After the fear came the guilt about how I had become angry with my daughter over a stupid Nintendo DS this morning. It came from not having asked her for forgiveness and for all of the other many ways that I have failed to love my children this very day.

Tears came as I thought of those parents who had a rough morning getting out the door and will never have a "do-over." What were their last words? Did they feel that sense of relief that I often feel as they watched their kids enter into their classroom to be somebody elses "work" for the day? You know you have those days too.

As parents, where do we all go from here? Our kids are coming home from school soon and as much as I hope that they don't know what happened, as much as I want to hide it from them, it is inevitable. Eighteen kids the same age as them have been brutally murdered and my selfish heart wants to gloss over it by giving them cupcakes.

The question that I must ask myself is the same question that I ask over and over throughout my days, "How does the gospel speak to this particular situation?" That's been my prayer over the last hour. Lord, show me where you are in this. How do I deal with such tragedy and most of all how can I give my kids hope today?

I've written about helping our kids when it hurts but this is on such a larger level. How do I help them with the catastrophic?

I am in no way a child psychologist and I'm not pretending to know anything about anything. I'm just a mom wanting to love my kids. Wanting to know how to talk to my little girl who just finished months of counseling for extreme anxiety and OCD over death, and wondering where this will take her. Just a mom trying to explain to my five year old that this is not like a video game. It's an attempt at being there, at helping them to process while I do the same. Helping them towards a greater understanding of our need for a Savior.

For starters, I must first remind my own self of the gospel before I attempt to answer my kids' questions:

-I take my denial and I bring it to the Lord. He shows me that in this world there is pain, we cannot escape it but he will walk through it with us.

"When you pass through the waters, I will be with you; and through the rivers, they shall not overwhelm you; when you walk through fire you shall not be burned, and the flame shall not consume you." Isaiah 43:2

-I take my fear and I bring it to the Lord. He shows me that without him there is much to fear but because I am his he will always care for me and love me and my children.

"So do not fear; I will provide for you and your little ones. Thus he comforted them and spoke kindly to them." Genesis 50:21

-I take my guilt and I bring it to the Lord. He shows me that even if I were one of those parents who lost their child and I had not loved them before school that there is no condemnation.

"There is therefore now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus." Romans 8:1

And then I plead for grace. I cry out to the Holy Spirit to enter into my car as soon as they plop their backpacks down and tell me the news that they assume I don't already know.

 

First of all, nothing that I have prepared to say will ever meet the importance of just sitting and listening. But when the listening ends and the questions come there is only one thing that will speak hope to my children and that is the gospel of God's love for them. "...and hope does not put us to shame, because God's love has been poured into our hearts through the Holy Spirit who has been given to us." Romans 5:5-6

 

Second, we must know that it is always ok to say, "I don't know." We are not super-humans, having every answer to the meaning of life. All that I really do know is that even when I don't know, God does. "What then shall we say to these things? If God is for us, who can be against us?" Romans 8:31

Finally, I can only hope to instill in them that no matter what is going on in our lives, the most important thing that they must remember is that God is with them and loving them through every moment. "Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves receive from God. For just as we share abundantly in the sufferings of Christ, so also our comfort abounds through Christ." 2 Corinthians 1:3-6

The list of ways to speak hope to our children goes on and on but I have groceries to put away and melted mascara to wipe off of my face. I will leave you with one last thing that is on my heart - hold your children close, whisper God's amazing love and care for them into their ears and know that it's ok to not know all the answers. We serve a great and mighty God who is greater than all of the sin of the world and right now his Son is sitting at his right hand perfectly communicating to him all of the prayers that we cannot even begin to utter. He loves us THAT MUCH!

 

 

 

 

 

 

Jesus Pushed The Elf Off The Shelf

"Mommy, if there really was a naughty and nice list we would all be on the naughty list."

This statement from my seven year old had much greater theological depth than she knew. Her observation didn't come from a manipulative self-pity over being naughty. It came from a clear view of what she knows about the gospel "None is righteous, no not one." Romans 3:10

As the traditions of the Holidays swirl around my children, my hopes are that they will learn to distinguish the law from the gospel.

I want my kids to know that God is not another Santa Claus.

I long for them to embrace the fact that they are not capable of being good enough to receive anything but coal in their stockings and that our hope for goodness can only be found in the only One capable of perfection. 

With the advent celebration and family traditions intersecting this season there is a very clear battle between law and gospel going on. Many parents think it is cute to set an elf on a shelf in a funny predicament leaving notes such as, "I saw you steal a cookie today. If you are good from now until Christmas I promise that I won't tell Santa. If you are extra good then maybe you will get that iPod you asked for." It's just another extension of the naughty and nice list. It's the law kicked up a notch and it serves parents as a way to manipulate their children's behavior as they deal with children high on Christmas treats and anticipation (I'm sure we are all tempted to do the same).

Sadly, it is just a more intense reality of what many children are taught all year long. Do good and you will be accepted by God and will receive good things. Do bad and you will be punished by God or worse yet, be turned away.

It's the law, masked as Karma, masked as parenting.

Thank God for the Gospel! Thank God for the incarnation of the Son who came down to save us from this filthy mess that we have gotten ourselves into. Thank God that we no longer live under this burden but now live in the freedom of Christ. Is that not what Christmas is about in the first place? 

We no longer have to live within the confines of the law. The Holy Spirit was not left to look over our shoulder to make sure that we are being good enough for God. Jesus didn't come for those who were good enough and He certainly didn't come to tattle on us. The Son Of God humbled himself into the restricted form of a human body, lived a sinless life worthy of one million iPods, and willingly hung on a tree to die for those who deserved not only coal but much worse. He did this all knowing that we could never be good enough to appease the Father. 

We could not earn a righteousness of our own so God's gift to us was the righteousness of his Son wrapped up in a blood stained, tragic death, which culminated in a cry of "It is finished."

"It is finished" declared Jesus' annihilation of the naughty and nice list. It was with that cry that He pushed that elf off the shelf so that we could be free.

My friends, rest in Him this season. Rest in His goodness and not your own. And please, give your children the greatest gift that they will ever receive. The grace that tells them that they have a Savior who loves them and has come to rescue them from the crushing news that they will never be good enough. 

The Pressure is Off

As I lay on the couch trying to stave off a migraine and the numbness in my face I am quickly reminded of the reality of life. Many of us have high expectations for our holidays. Perhaps our families have high expectations for us to make things just right. Either way there is always pressure felt at this time of year.

It wasn't in my plan that I would feel this way today. I should be making the pecan pie, sweet potatoes and salad that I offered to bring to my in-laws. It wasn't my friend's plan that her kitchen would be flooded two days before company arrived and that she would have to find alternate plans. And it wasn't in my mother-in-laws plan to break a bone in one foot and sprain the other so that she won't be able to stand and cook a meal. 

As the pressure mounts to provide our families with lasting memories we can begin to think that it is all up to us. We can begin to think that our hope is in the final product whether it be the perfect pie, the perfect gift or an altogether perfect day. We forget about the fact that God knows what is going on in our lives and loves us. 

Whether things begin to unravel for us or if we are blessed with the best day ever this holiday season let's remember one thing, our worth is not in our performance as a mother, wife or hostess extraordinaire. True and lasting worth can only be found in our identity in Christ.

Our identity lies in the very fact that we are loved. We are his beloved with whom he is well pleased, regardless of our ability to satisfy the needs and wants of those around us. Our identity is that of having the righteousness of Christ;the only One who never got it wrong. 

Whether I make it off the couch today and get my cooking done or whether I end up with another three day migraine, I must remember one thing. My hope is not in what I can do but rather in what he has done and continues to do within me.

So go ahead, stuff your turkeys, make place mats with your kids, but above all remember that in all things our hope is built on nothing less than Jesus' blood and righteousness. The righteousness that has been handed to you from the cross. Take it and enjoy the relief that we are offered through God's grace. The pressure is off!

A New Kind of Thankfulness

 

 

 

An Innocent Prayer
 
When my youngest was three he loved to pray at the dinner table. We didn't always understand what he was saying but it certainly was cute. His prayer almost always consisted of at least these three things: God, sin and the cross. It sounded something like this, "Thank you Gooooood. Thank you for siiiiiiiiiiin. Thank you for Jesus on da crooooooossssss. Amen" 

One evening one of his sisters snickered and pointed out the fact that he said, "Thank you for sin." He sure did, and I liked it. Although I’m pretty sure that my three year old really didn’t have an understanding of what he was praying, the Spirit used it to spark thankfulness in my heart that I never thought I would have embraced.
 

Thankful For Sin?

Now don’t get me wrong here, I am not saying that I am glad that I disobey God or hurt others. However, I am thankful that my sin will always draw me back to God in repentance and drives me to greater worship of the One who pursues me. We are taught to hate our sin and to run from it, both of which are biblical truths and desires of my heart, but there is a sense that we can be thankful for sin as well. 1Thess 5:18 tells us to be thankful in ALL circumstances. This includes the good as well as the bad because everything eventuates in God being glorified.

Think of it this way, if you had no sin you would have no need for a Savior. My sin draws me to His feet. My sin reminds me of how ugly my heart really is and by His kindness I am brought into repentance and a greater desire to walk in obedience. God uses everything, even our sin to motivate us to praise Him.  

My sin may show me all of the ugliness inside of my heart but it also shows me something greater. It shows me that I have a Savior that unconditionally adores me. Even in my greatest of sin I am not a disappointment to Him. Because of Christ, I have gained righteousness in God's sight the moment that He called me to Himself.
 

Give Thanks

He loves me through my sin yet continues to change me. I look at my performance and I see someone who not only fails often but someone that, at times, seems to be going backwards. But when He looks at me He rejoices (Zeph. 4:17). My heart is being sanctified even when all that shows on the outside is ugly. For that I can give thanks! 

Am I condoning sin in order to have something to be thankful for? Of course not! I am simply encouraging you to see that when you do fail there is still hope. The Lord is rejoicing over you whether you believe it or not. Run from sin, hate it with a passion, let it grieve you and then give thanks to the Lord for His grace and mercy that will never run dry.

You are secure in His loving arms and nothing can separate you from His love. Give thanks!

 

 

 

 

The Gospel for the Mom Who Fails

A little girl sat ranting in her chair having been banned from the pool for her incessant fighting with the others.

Sitting beside her was a mom with obvious disdain for her child.

As the little girl began to wail the manipulating words, "You don't love me! You hate me!" it was apparent that this mom had had enough. She looked as if being with her kids was the last thing she wanted to do at that moment. No loving discipline was given but only harsh words and threatening glares.

After demanding that her little girl go somewhere else to cry and growing impatient with the rising howl from her daughter, she slammed her book down on the table and commanded everyone to get out of the pool and go in the house. With moans and groans the other kids reluctantly made their way out.

And then it all came flying out in a roar of anger. 

I believe it went something like this, "I'm so sick of all the whining and crying! I'm letting you swim to have fun not to complain!" 

Fits of wailing ensued in the pool. Each child crying his own song yet in unison with the others. Different volumes. Different pitches. Same words..."I didn't know! I didn't know!"

Quite a scene don't you think?

Something straight from the neighbors' yard but not your own?

What if I told you that this mom was me?

I should know how to do this better. I read my Bible, go to church, lead a Bible study. Heck, I've even written a book on motherhood! You would think I would know better than this!  

The truth is that I'm not as good as I’d like to think I am. And as much as you are comparing yourself to me right now, you are not as good as you think you are either. I didn't say it, Jesus did (through Paul).

"For all have sinned and fallen short of the glory of God." Romans 3:23
"There is none righteous, no not one."Romans 3:10

This my friends is why we need Jesus and His perfect record of obedience to the Father.

After my ridiculous fit came the outrageous grace that the Lord always takes great pleasure in bathing this weak daughter of His in.  

Tears were shed, forgiveness sought and praise radiated as I thanked God that these moments do not define our identity. We rejoiced that every perfect moment that Christ lived on our behalf is who we are and not our failures. 

His grace turned our dysfunction into a gospel moment; once again bringing glory to Himself.

Because I have Christ's righteousness, my sin can never disqualify me from His presence. I am vigorously loved by God regardless of whether I am in a state of grace or disgrace. His love is never ceasing and my performance can never change that. EVER!

Even before I awoke this morning I had the promise of no condemnation and when I lay my head down tonight I have that same great assurance. To know that there is "no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus" gives me rest on days like this. 

I don't have to look at my day and weigh the good against the bad because Christ came and threw the scale away.

I am reminded of His love for me and that these are the moments that He was nailed to a tree of death for. His painful separation from His Father was done so that I would never have to say, "My God, my God. Why have you forsaken me?" 

My friends, if your day was like mine you can rest knowing that God is not angry with you. God's love for you has not changed one bit. He is not disgusted or discouraged by your failures. He is not keeping a tally of your sin. He is seeing you through His Son's perfection. Delighting in His beautiful daughter with whom He is well pleased.  

On the other hand, if your day was full of glorious triumphs, thank Him for His mercy and kindness but know that your obedience did not earn you extra points. You and I stand on level ground. He is no more impressed with our good days than He is disappointed with our bad days. His love cannot be altered; it was secured for both of us on the cross.

As my day comes to an end I am thankful for the truth that the degree of God's love for us is in direct proportion to His love for His Son and never proportionate to our failure or success. That's freedom!

Giving Up and the Gospel

Found this on my camera from the pumpkin patch...pretty much somes up my week.

(Dug this one up from last year. Have at it.)



I gave up today.

I didn't want to do it anymore.
You know, the whole Christian walk thing. Trying to be a good mom, trying to do it all well.

Maybe it was the emotions of having watched my husband being taken away in an ambulance last night. After all, watching the one you love the most swell up before your eyes is an alarming experience.

Things like that hit you the next day; realizing that without medical care you would have lost him.

Maybe I used the stress and the tiredness of the night as an excuse.

Or maybe the unexpected night away with my husband was the cherry on top of my week of defeat. Not quite what I had in mind when I said we needed to get away together soon.



The trip to the pumpkin patch seems fun until your child spits in the mouth of your sweet friend's boy and you become angry and harsh.

All is good until your child yells at the same sweet friend's daughter and you become angry and harsh.

Then you run over her gate with your car as you are leaving, feeling like a wrecking crew and wondering why she puts up with you.


Your at a breaking point. Your sin consumes you. You want to give up.

You've spent the week in exhaustion; over committed, under organized and wondering why you can't do "it" right like other people. Whatever "it" is.

You've been ungracious, unloving and unkind most of your waking hours. Your husband disagrees but you know the gutter your heart has been in.


I know I'm not supposed to give up. I'm supposed to "fight the good fight", "run the race" and know that "I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me."

But GLORY!

How's a girl supposed to do it?! Laundry, cooking, driving, teaching, sex, dishes, writing, listening, encouraging, being nice. It all seems so big when you've been up all night. Am I right?

So I give up.

There's something to be said for giving up. Something that others won't say.

Preaching a try harder/do better self sermon is not the remedy. I know, I know...where's the positive thinking? Where's my "can do" American spirit? Well, it's at the bottom of the dumpster hanging out with all of the other worldly advice that I have adopted as a Christian.
The stuff that I've since thrown away.
Adding only drives me to pride or despair.

I'm over it.

You see, it's not until I give up my efforts to do this christian life right that I break and see the glory of Christ.

So I give up doing and remember what's been done.

I give up working and start resting.

I give up comparing and start being.

I give up pretending and start living.



And then it comes to me, He has been rejoicing over me all week! He's been loving me when I haven't loved others. He's been singing over me when I've been harsh. He has adored me when I haven't been adorable. All of this brings me to my knees. Amazed at His relentless grace. A grace that increases in my weakness.


A grace that increased after doing it right for this sinner.

A grace that showered me after dying a death to make me acceptable.

And a grace that remains after ascending; loving to love me, as if the first two were not enough.



In all of my sin and weakness this week I've remained in Gods favor. I don't have to make any payment for my mistakes.

I am covered.

And when I think about this...the shedding of blood, the forgiveness and righteousness given to me as an act of grace and mercy, I fly to Him. His kindness leads me to repentance and calls me into obedience.

 

Grace, grace, God's grace.

  Grace that is greater than all our sin.

Faithful to Sanctify

 "Now may the God of peace himself sanctify you completely, and may your whole spirit and soul and body be kept blameless at the coming of our Lord Jesus Christ. He who calls you is faithful; he will surely do it."

 1 Thesselonians 5:23-24

Five years ago I woke up and decided that I was done with God.

 

I was done with the kind of Christianity that I thought I was expected to live. After many years of trial and error I had finally realized that I wasn't able to live up to God's standards and instead of turning from the law to the gospel, I turned off...completely.

 

It was the most horrid year of my life.

 

I still looked like a Christian from the outside but the inside was in utter rebellion and I was suffering the painful consequences of disobedience over and over again.

As I look back on that year, yes an entire year, there are many beautiful gifts that I came away with. I learned that:

 

-Life is wickedly horrible on my own.
 

-God pursues His children and never gives up until He catches them.
 

-God works by changing me and growing my faith even when I am not actively seeking to be obedient.

 

I believe that this time in my life has cemented the gospel in my heart through the constant reminder that God remained faithful even when I wasn't. I carry this truth with me into every thing that I do. And with that I have come to understand that being a Christian is not about what I do for God but about what He has done for me.  

You see, I came out the other side of that year with a hunger and desire for the One who had not just put up with me but actively pursued me. As much as I thought I was running from Him, I was never once out of His reach.

 

When I was tired of trying to get away I fell into His outstretched arms exhausted and broken. It was then that I began to understand grace.

 

Because of my hurt and my brokenness I had nothing left to bring to Him. You see, this is what he wanted from me in the first place...nothing.

 

"Nothing in my arms I bring, simply to thy cross I cling."

 

And when it was all said and done, when every last piece of me was ripped from my tightly clenched fists, I wanted nothing but Him. I needed Christ so badly. I wanted to walk hand in hand with the one who had forgiven so much. I wanted to obey. I desired to serve. I wanted to love the way I had been loved.

I was changed from the core even though I had not actively sought after change.

You see, now when I think about sanctification (Christian growth) I can see how much of it doesn't depend on me. He is changing me whether I like it or not. He changed me that year. All because I saw and experienced how incredibly deep His love for me was, and still is. 

 

It's not my effort that He requires.

All that is required of me is to believe and rest, knowing that when the life saving words "It is finished" were spoken on the cross, they were meant for me. It was a call to rest and freedom from condemnation, not a call to get to work.

 

It is foolishness to think that we can change ourselves, that if we could just work our way down the list of Christian duties then we would be a different person.

 

Read your bible, pray, feed the poor...please! But know that it is by Christ and Christ alone that our lives are changed. It is by soaking in the love poured out on the cross that will motivate you into true service. It is knowing that if you don't obey Him, He still loves you. And that will fuel your desire for obedience.

 

Want to change? Run to Jesus, fall on your knees and beg Him to help you to believe that He really does love you as much as He says He does. "Lord I believe, help my unbelief."

It is God who saves, God who sanctifies and God who will hold onto us until that last day.

"Never once did we ever walk alone,

Never once did you leave us on our own.

You are faithful, God, you are faithful!"

-Matt Redman



Obsess Much?

(A recycled post from last year.)


Over the past few weeks I have set out to write on sanctification for my book. Big word huh? Basically it means Christian growth - God's work in changing us to be more like Himself, preparing us for the glory to come.

I knew I hadn't had it all figured out. Nobody does. But really, I have nothing down. He shows that to me when I write. I'm always thankful.

The past month I have been more than icky towards my family.  How ironic is it that when my six year old, who is still learning how to spell, writes a note meaning to say "You are the best" misspelled best to say "beast." Ha! There's truth in that. I've most certainly felt like "The Beast" lately.

And when I've lived in disobedience like I have been; knowing that I'm avoiding God, wrestling with my anger, He's been rejoicing over me.

You see I've seen my ugliness and every day I wake up and decide that "today I'm going to change!" I've fought admitting this to myself. I know that preaching a try harder/do better sermon to myself is not the way to go about it. You've heard me say it, yet I still do it.

Now I don't want to go on about my sin. I can be obsessive in my pursuit of getting better. I think most of us are. We spend our days either trying to figure out how not to sin or trying to figure out how to make things better after we have sinned. A pursuit of ourselves indeed.

I love what Tullian Tchvidjian says here. It's exactly what's been on my mind during the few quiet moments between sin obsessions:

‎"We spend too much time thinking about how we're doing, if we're growing, whether we're doing it right or not. We spend too much time pondering our failure and brooding over our spiritual successes. In short, we spend way too much time thinking about ourselves and what we need to do and far too little time thinking about Jesus and what he's already done."

We have an obsession with sin. We have an obsession with wanting to grow and be better. It's what consumes us. We are told to "be the best that we can be" and when we aren't we despair and question God. "I'm trying Lord! Why aren't you allowing me to succeed?"

What is the remedy for all of this?  Are we to turn our focus towards others? Surely if we are busy serving others and conjuring up all we have to love them then we will be too busy being kind to think of ourselves. No, actually by doing this we are still self-focused. You can argue that and I will listen but the truth is that anything done out of our efforts is done for our own edification. Anything mustered up from a will to do better still comes from us.

Does that just make you want to give up? Throw your hands in the air and declare that if your efforts are void then you will just live for yourself?

Don't despair so quickly, friend. Though focusing on our sin or focusing on others may be outside of His will for us, our sanctification is not. Our change is truly His desire and it is truly a job that only He is big enough to do.

To remedy all of this, to truly live outside of our self, our sin obsession must be turned into a Savior obsession. Focusing on what's been done for us. Swimming in the grace that He has poured out on us, saving us despite our vile, self-seeking heart. Reveling in His unending love for us when we push Him aside in our self-reliance and desire to be number one.

He has loved you from the very beginning. Not since the day you were saved but since forever. He knew that you would belong to Him and has been desiring you...ALWAYS. He has desired you in your sin, not making it His obsession.

Let us obsess over a Savior who would do such a thing as give His life for us bringing us freedom from the very sin that we allow to consume us.

Be free and enjoy the feast He has prepared for you. Partake in His never ending grace. Take in a nice deep breath of the gospel and live in the holiness that is already yours through the Holy Spirit.

What Women Need - A Plea to Women Authors and Speakers

Women want a number of things in life. Some of it lies on the surface like the desire to lose a few pounds, have shinier hair or to make everything that we have pinned on our Pinterest board, but it's our needs that run through us in a deeper vain. The trouble is that we often become confused, believing that our wants are actually our needs.

We run ourselves ragged with all of our “doing” and the last thing that we need is to be told that if we would just do more then we wouldn’t feel so out of control. It’s why we buy magazines called Simple and then work furiously to simplify our lives. It’s why we shut down at night and numb ourselves with a box of cookies while we watch America’s Next Top Model. We hide from the reality that we really aren’t good enough and never can be. We encourage ourselves by running to Facebook, Twitter or Pinterest in hopes of being “liked”, only to find that we aren’t living the same fabulous lives as our “friends.”

A question that I often ask myself is, “Why are women flocking to women’s conferences, blogs and books written by other women when so many of them are only giving us more to do?” I believe it is because we desire something more, something deeper than what is fed to us on prime time television but we don’t know where else to look. 

We long to be inspired, motivated and understood. We believe that if we just try harder and hopefully succeed that we will finally feel good about ourselves. We want to have control so we pick up the latest book on being a godlier woman and believe that if it’s written by a Christian then it must be what we need to hear.

The problem is that women are much better at telling other women what they want to hear instead of what they need to here. This is suffocating us!

We don’t need another list to complete or another three step program to a happier life. We don’t need new kids by Friday or new husbands by Wednesday.

What we need is to be told  that Christ has set us free from relying on anything other than Him! He has set us free from the burdens we are carrying. He takes the load off and calls us to rest. To hear that everything you have done over the entire day, whether good or bad, will not gain or lose you any favor with the Father is the stuff that rest is made of.

Rest is not found in doing. It’s not found in learning the secret to a better quiet time. Rest is found in knowing that when we’ve been a hormonal twit all day that we are still loved and accepted far more than we can possibly imagine. Rest is found in knowing that there is nothing left for us to prove because Christ proved it all on the cross.

Please, women speakers and writers, give me what I NEED to hear!

Give me the good story of my Savior who lived every single day of His life in perfect obedience because He knew that I would not. Give me some wind for my sails because most days I’m so tired I just don’t know if I can pack four more lunches, set six more alarms, listen to irrational fears, break up countless fights, receive concerning phone calls, critical emails or not cry when my son calls me stupid.

I need the gospel and I need it bad because it is the only thing that is going to get me home!

Don’t tell me to go out and find my joy, or that happiness and kindness lie within my heart and when I pretend to be thankful I will find it. No, Tell me that my joy comes from being overwhelmed by what God has done for me in sending His son to die for such a wicked sinner; one who thinks she can do it all, one who blows it every single day whether by a blatant outward sin or by an inward Pharisaical smugness.

You will never motivate me to love God by telling me to try harder. I just can't do it anymore. Motivation comes from telling me how much I am loved and adored by the one who created the universe. The one who chose me even though in His omniscience knew every ugly thought and evil action that I would ever come up with.

Please tell me that I don’t have to do it all. Actually, tell me that I don’t have to do anything! Forbid me from believing that I have what it takes to change myself and that only Christ can help me.

Tell me that I don't need to prove my worthiness because the cross has done that for me. 

Dear friends, bring me the good news and tell me I am His beautiful daughter with whom He is well pleased, now, forever and always, even when I don’t feel like it, act like it or even want to be it.

This is what I NEED to hear!

This is what we all NEED to hear!