"And from his fullness we have all received, grace upon grace."
John 1:6
I ran across an old list yesterday. It said something like this:
- Laundry
- Dishes
- Phone calls
- Love my kids!!!!!
A list is my friend when I can't remember what to do. And a list is my enemy when I want to earn my way to God. If I could just do these things, whatever they may be, then I will feel worthy.
Lists are what I do when things are changing, when I feel out control. Right now there is a lot to feel out of control about...or so I think.
I grasp for something that I can assure myself with. Something tangible that says, "You're good. You're OK despite all that is going on around you."
I tell myself I'm not going to do it yet I wake up trying harder. I wake up with a mission for me and my family and two minutes after, we've all failed. I'm crushed and angry. I question God, make another list and try harder.
Its why I was paralyzed as I sat next to a friend at the pool watching my kids swim. Afraid of what she might be thinking as she watched their interactions with each other and with me. Worried that she would notice how my parenting has fallen into "stop it", "obey" and "because I said so."
I've made it all about me. All about my performance as a parent and their performance as my kids. I've been preaching the "good boy, bad boy" sermon again. Threatening out of fear, lecturing out of anger and giving up in despair.
Showing my weakness? Great. Being honest and transparent? No problem. But when it comes to my kids I will do everything I can to hide their weaknesses, I'm afraid you might see who they really are. Sinners, just like me.
I've been making my "do better" lists because grace seems scary to me right now.
Grace means letting go of control of yet another thing.
Grace means jumping off the cliff and trusting that He's there to catch me.
Grace means loving them despite their failures.
Grace means giving them a Jesus that doesn't require lists.
Grace means there is nothing for me to add.
Yet He continues to whisper in my ear that He's still there. Assuring me that although I have had no desire to give them grace that He has been pouring it out, praying for me and loving me all the more.
Reminding me to put away the unnecessary lists and rest.
Lists...they're easy. Grace is hard.
*Haven't read Give Them Grace yet? You're missing out. Leave a comment to win your copy. Contest ends Sunday, September 11th.
16 comments:
I would love this book! I've had it in my cart on Amazon for a while...waiting for enough swag bucks to get it! I have been so blessed by 2 other Elyse Fitzpatrick books during difficult times. I am sure that God will use this book as a blessing and as a tool to encourage me through the journey of motherhood.
I'd like to win. Thanks for your writings. :)
I really appreciate the honesty you express in your blog. I can completely relate to this post. I am a perfectionist and lists are a way of organizing my life....to make it appear perfect. I find myself giving my children lectures rather than grace. I haven't had the chance to read "Give Them Grace" yet but look forward to getting my own copy and letting God teach me more about His grace as I attempt to transfer that lesson to my kids.
I'v started the one you lent me but would really love my own to mark up and dig into! Would love to win this!
This is SO true.
"Showing my weakness? Great. Being honest and transparent? No problem. But when it comes to my kids I will do everything I can to hide their weaknesses, I'm afraid you might see who they really are. Sinners, just like me. "
Love this post Kimm. Thank you.
Love from,
Greta
I've been following your blog for about a month now and really appreciate your insight. Thanks for entering me in the drawing!
I have been meaning to read this book. I love what you said here.
True,true,true!! Thanks again for such an encouraging post - thanks for taking the time to write and share.
I would love to win a signed book :-)
I would love this book.... I have also read so many parenting books, and while some things can be taken from each of them and put into practice I can find myself becoming very legalistic and missing the point. Thank you so much for your blogs, they never fail to touch my life. I do not want my children to struggle with walking in God's sufficient grace as I have for much of my life. If I am completely honest I still struggle with it. Thank God His mercies are new every morning. God Bless!!
Thankful for the opportunity!
We all need so much encouragement/wisdom/Truth in this parenting journey, and I know this book will do just that :)
I cannot wait for the fruit that comes from this book in so many Followers' lives.
I loved Elyse's Because He Loves Me. It completely changed my understanding of the Gospel. I'd love to have this book as well. Thanks for the give-a-way.
Really interested to read this book!
I'd love to win this...thanks
I would so love to win this...I need all the help I can get...thanks
like everyone else who posted, I hope to win :)
Aileen! You are the winner!!! I have your book all signed and ready to send. Just email me at kimmy(at)crandalls(dot)net with your address.
Post a Comment